A bluff audience.

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A bluff audience.

 

Hear the wait… Don’t tell me!

Our panelists read three stories about the unique immigration problems of the rest of the world, and only one of them was true.

BILL KURTIS: NPR’s NPR station and the NPR wine club, offering wine from around the world, the story behind it, and the most popular bottle inspired by NPR. For adults aged 21 or above. Learn more through nprwineclub.org. The wood cleaner, a proud sponsor of NPR, offers more than 400 styles, including hardwood, bamboo, composite and vinyl, among hundreds of stores across the country. More on lumberliquidators.com or 1-800-hardwood. Burlington is committed to helping the community. Since 2007, they have donated 1.8 million coats. On January 22, burlington was collecting warm coats, so people could stay warm. Burlingtonstores.com.

(music sound)

KURTIS: from NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is waiting… Don’t tell me, NPR news. I’m bill Curtis. We played this week with morrocca, alonzo bolden and Paula poundstone. Peter sagar is your master at the chase bank auditorium in downtown Chicago.

PETER SAGAL, host:

Thank you, bill.

(applause.)

SAGAL: it’s time to wait… Don’t tell me the swashbuckling audience. Call 1-888-waitwait to play our game in the air. Hey, you’re waiting… Don’t tell me.

Nick Peters: hi, Nick Peters from Severna Park, Maryland, outside of the beautiful Annapolis.

Sager: beautiful Annapolis. You know, I’ve never been to that part of Maryland. I know it’s beautiful.

Peters: that’s great. Come down. I’ll tell you.

SAGAL: that would be great. We’ll eat some crabs. We hit them with a hammer.

MO ROCCA: Maryland flower is Susan with black eyes.

(laughter.)

ALONZO BODDEN: you know what?

ROCCA: yes.

Borden: I got it.

(laughter.)

SAGAL: Nick, welcome to our show. The game you’re going to play, you have to try to tell the truth from fiction. What’s the topic of bill Nick?

KURTIS: immigration disturbance (ph).

SAGAL: as we all know, immigration is a difficult topic, but even if you want to get into a normal country, it’s hard. This week, we met a small story about a small ethnic change in other parts of the world. Our team members will tell you. Choose the person who is telling the truth, and you will win our prize – your voice mail. Are you ready to play?

Peters: I’m ready.

SAGAL: first let’s listen to Alonzo Bodden.

Bowden: Brian Wilkinson, a 35-year-old graphic artist from Minneapolis, is hooked on Bermuda on a cruise. Facing another winter in Minnesota, he decided it was time to go to the pink beach and sunshine.He began the paperwork. He proved his skill needs – he could design and print hotel and menu brochures for small restaurants. He even donated a beautiful leaflet for a day in Bermuda.

(laughter.)

Boden: he has money in the bank and good credit. Everything seemed to be checked until Bermuda’s immigration officials mentioned his violent past. Brian was fighting in the kindergarten.

(laughter.)

Borden:…… The Bermuda authorities said he could not emigrate until he could write a note to the teacher to let him out. How do they know? Quote, “as ms horn warns you, it keeps a record.”

(laughter.)

Borden: ms horn died a few years ago, so there is only one hope Brian found fought with his child, and to get a written record, forgive that is very difficult, because he doesn’t remember the name of the child – they just laugh at his name, Touchy, Tony.

(laughter.)

Boden: but this is 2018, so he can use the digital school record and then use Facebook to track down his former nemeses. Touchy Tony is Anthony Delgado (ph), who is happy to write a note for Brian’s long wrestling match on the playground. The Bermuda immigration office accepted Tony’s letter as evidence of Brian’s recovery, and Brian now has a Bermuda day.

(laughter, applause.)

Sager: a man can’t go to Bermuda unless he can be forgiven in kindergarten. Your next story is not just immi-good (ph) – it’s immi-great (ph) – from Paula Poundstone.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Latvia’s immigration system has deteriorated to the point where only people buy things – no lottery to target diversity, no need for asylum. You buy property there with schengen visa, you are right here.

But Susan Swamo (ph) of Waukegan, ill., encountered another obstacle to latvian immigration. She is committed to “going back to the next three”. Immigration officials in Riga, Latvia’s capital, have taken note of ms swamo’s financial holdings and property plans, bureaucracy.

But when he returned to his work history, he became more and more excited. (imitating the latvian accent) your job is “back to the future III”? “He asked incredulously. Yes, Ms. Swamo said proudly. (latvian accent) it’s a scary movie.

(laughter.)

POUNDSTONE :(imitating the latvians) they should stop “back to the future”. A good one. Why is that? Why do you have to go back to the future III? Well, really, I’m just trying. It wasn’t my decision, the stuttering Swamo.

Latvia is a good place to continue. I don’t think you can understand that. I, said Swamo. (imitating the latvian accent) people like you suck the life out of a country, and you foolishly make a return to the next three. Kris glover did not even return to play his father in “back to the future three”.

(laughter.)

POUNDSTONE :(imitating the latvian accent) he will be welcomed in Latvia. He will be a good citizen. You don’t. You’re rejected.

(laughter.)

POUNDSTONE: a sad woman, Swamo, is planning to appeal against the rule of law. She works only in the payroll office of the production company.

(laughter, applause.)

SAGAL: a woman who worked on a film she didn’t care about a few years ago couldn’t get into Latvia. The last story you stopped at the border came from moroka.

ROCCA: it’s hard to get Switzerland to stand on its feet. Even the nazis couldn’t.

(laughter.)

Roca: but Nancy holten, 42, couldn’t resist saying something. How annoying is she? When Holten, a Swiss vegetarian and animal rights activist who lives in Switzerland, applied for Swiss citizenship, she was strongly rejected by the residents of her village. They can’t stand her. Holton claims to be a freelance journalist/model/drama student – absolutely an annoying way of describing himself.

(laughter.)

ROCCA:… For years, it has opposed the traditional use of cowbell in the village. “The bell on the cow when walking and walking is heavy, and the sound of the cowbell is one decibel, just like a pneumatic drill.

(laughter.)

ROCCA: but Holten’s voice makes her neighbors cooing like their famous clocks.

(laughter.)

ROCCA: Ms. Holten has a big mouth, says Tanja Suter, President of the local Swiss people’s party. Residents do not want to give her citizenship, citing “if she annoys us, we don’t respect our traditions.”

Holten – don’t watch TV, because she did not watch TV, also don’t know what label, because she tried to leave social media – admit, imitation (Switzerland accent) I think I said I don’t care, I said too loudly.

(laughter, applause.)

SAGAL: ok. So this is your three troubles in the immigration case. From Alonzo Bodden, a man who is not allowed to immigrate to Bermuda, unless he gets a note to fight in the kindergarten. A woman from Paula, who works in a movie “back to the future three”, doesn’t seem to get a visa, so immigration officials have a real problem. Mo Rocca, a woman who spent most of her life in Switzerland, was too annoying to be allowed to become a citizen. Which is the true story of immigration disorder?

Peters: well, I’d like to do in Bermuda Touchy Tony – because I like that – I want to go with mo and Switzerland, the Swiss are so annoying, I think they will find anyone to hate.

SAGAL: wow. My friend, these words are difficult. Hard words.

Peters: so I’ll go there.

SAGAL: so you have to choose the story of Mo, a nasty vegetarian, and the Swiss won’t let them stay there. All right. So, in order to give you the right answer, we’re talking to a reporter who is reporting the real story.

MEGAN GARBER: Nancy holden was stripped of her passport for being a vegetarian.

(laughter.)

Sager: her words, vegetarians, not mine.

(applause.)

Sager: it was Megan Garber, an employee writer in the Atlantic, who said that the pesky vegetarian was denied a Swiss passport. We told you so.

(laughter.)

SAGAL: congratulations, Nick. You did the right thing. Well done. In fact, you’re right. Don’t tell the truth.

(applause.)

Peters: ok. Thank you, mo.

ROCCA: thank you.

SAGAL: you’ve won our prize, the voice of anyone you like on your voicemail. Thank you very much for your participation.

Peters: ok. thank you

SAGAL: ok. Thank you very much.

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